Holiday Break-in at BOTW

Police Seek “Person of interest” in Crime
Dateline: Jericho NY, 12-27-2010

Reports indicate authorities were summoned to Best of the Web corporate headquarters in Jericho NY this weekend to investigate a holiday break-in. Spokesperson for the Jericho Police Department said they cannot yet tell if this incident is related to a string of breakins that took place over the holiday weekend, but that similarities of method appear to be consistent and could point to the work of the same gang that struck the same time last year.

BOTW Vice President Robert Schmid says so far the staff has been unable to determine what if anything may have been taken, though it has been discovered a quantity of milk and cookies left unsecured near a Christmas tree appear to be missing.

As of this report there are few clues to the identity of the perpetrator(s), but authorities have asked the public to be on the lookout for a “person of interest” who according to multiple sources may have clues relating to the breakins. He is described as an elderly white male with a full beard who appears “jolly” and has a midsection that “shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly”.

Though not officially declared a suspect in this case, he has reportedly been served previously with temporary restraining orders in various jurisdictions in conjunction with stalking charges after numerous minors claimed “he sees them when they’re sleeping and knows when they’re awake”. Charges were later dropped, and though he is not considered dangerous, police do want to verify whether he is in fact keeping a list of naughty children, possibly for purposes of retribution.

The individual was last seen on Dec 25 wearing a red suit with white trim and driving a late model miniature sleigh led by eight tiny reindeer. As of newstime no license number for the vehicle has been made available.

Happy Holidays from Best of the Web. ๐Ÿ™‚

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